crossposted everywhere

It’s time for the most festive event on the Dilbert calendar, the Annual Weasel Awards. And after looking at this year’s nominees I had to send an eMail message to Scott “Dilbert” Adams himself.

Dear Mr. Adamsbert:

I don’t like to point out errors (no, I lied, I really enjoy it), but something appears wrong in your Weasel Awards for this year. The “United Nations” is listed under both “Weaseliest Organization” and “Weaseliest Nation”. Now, technically, the United Nations is an organization and a GROUP of nations. Did you intend the Nation listing to refer to “All the Nations in the United Nations”, or did you really intend it to say “United States” (which won overwhelmingly last year) but ended up mislabeled by someone working for you who is either an induhvidual or Acting U.S. Representative to the U.N. John Bolton? Now I could understand retiring the U.S. from Weasel competition after last year, but if you mean ‘Everybody in the U.N.’ you really should say it more clearly. Thank you for your attentiveness to this weasely message.

I hope you will all do your weasely duty and vote. Several times if you can, because that’s the Weasely Way. The U.N. duplication is not the only ‘interesting’ thing among the nominations. I was rather pleased to see “Weaseliest Profession” dropped in favor of “Weaseliest Industry”. And splitting “Weaseliest Individual” into Politician, Celebrity, Sports Person and Pundit/Celebrity, although they seemed to have trouble finding non-right-wing-blowhards for that last category: Michael Moore hasn’t done much this year and “The Staff of the N.Y. Times” sounds almost generic; and thanks to Judith Miller, there are almost as many liberals pissed at the Times as conservatives. But including Nancy Grace was brilliant. I thought this was going to be Ann Coulter’s year, but can she take credit for the suicide of one of her reporting victimssubjects? And who would have expected just a couple months ago that one of the top contenders for “Weaseliest Company” would be HP? (I’d write more about it, but I’m using an HP computer, and, you know, they might be listening) Still, I think they included Michael Jackson among “Weaseliest Celebrities” just to fill out the category. And not including Congress among “Weaseliest Organization” is an obvious oversight. But if I can mobilize my audience of several, as long as the U.S. is not on the “Weaseliest Nation” list, I’d push for Pakistan. I mean, most of the countries on the list have openly done bad things lately, but Pakistan has been the most sneaky about what it’s up to, and isn’t that what Weaseliness is all about?